


Tea in the Somme

by MariaLujan



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, France (Country), World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-11-08 05:31:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11075043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariaLujan/pseuds/MariaLujan
Summary: AU. 1916. WW1. Dr. Turner is a doctor in a war hospital when he meets Nurse Mannion, who will soon become a nun.





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1.**

 

_Somme, France – July 1916_

 

It was in the afternoon when a contingent arrived at the field hospital. It was not the first time that nurses arrived, he had been asking for more staff for some time, but it was the first time that nuns also came along with the nurses. Turner snorted, what he wanted least to hear were speeches about eternal paradises and constant prayers. It was ridiculous to promise rewards to literally shattered men, so the previous month he had sent a newly arrived vicar to another hospital. He had no patience for those things.

However, two hours after the rigorous presentations, his idea about the function of the nuns began to change. He hoped that all they could do would be to sit in the way, but a certain Evangelina who had a voice that blocked any gunshot and gave orders to right and left had not stopped a second to disinfect and bandage wounds, feed soldiers, and clean the place. Another nun they called Julienne worked the same way although she did not shout so much, but she did not lose sight of any of the nurses.

“What are you staring at?” Sister Evangelina asked, finding him lost in thought “You are the chief of this place, so I suppose you work and you does not stand there staring into nothingness”

"I'm sorry, I was just watching your work."

"As long as you look at that and nothing else, I'll be grateful. This place is a mess”

“I know. We can not cope with this”

"And if you stand there, it´s logical that you can´t cope with this. What do you want, Mannion?” Evangelina looked at the little nurse beside her, who seemed terrified to speak to her. Turner looked at her too, and for a moment wondered what a little girl was doing there.

"I think ... we need reinforcements, it is impossible for us to take care of all these men, I counted about ten doctors and just fifty nurses and there are more than eight hundred soldiers hospitalized”

"We're just here, we can not be asking for reinforcements. We'll manage. First of all, give the doctor some tea, I think he needs it”

Mannion nodded and ran. Evangelina continued to scream and Turner looked at his list, he must to see two soldiers who had been amputated last night. That was what most frightened him, the bodies shattered but not dead. He could not find meaning of saving the life if it was to live it like this. He wanted to detonate that hospital where nothing good came out. With him inside, if it was possible.

"Doctor, your tea"

He came out of his thought and saw the “nurse-girl”, as he was already calling her. The first sip of hot tea comforted him even though it was quite warm in the place.

"Thank you, it's very good," he smiled at her, and it was the first time in weeks he had. Looking closely, she was not a child, except that she was very small beside the other women in the hospital. He could see that behind her glasses she had amazing blue eyes full of life. Surely she was excited when she left her house and in two hours had not yet seen the reality she would have to face.

"Can I help you with something?" she asked hesitating.

"Yes, wake up and bring some tea to these two soldiers," he marked the two names on his list "I have to tell them they were amputated. With tea, things will go even a little better”

Mannion frowned and looked down.

“Very well”

 

**************

When he saw her again she was standing next to the two soldiers. One of them had his hands too shaky to drink the tea on his own so she helped him, the other drank the tea but kept asking what was going on with his legs.

“Thanks, you are so beautiful,” said the soldier with shaking hands. She said nothing, just gave him a bright smile.

"Nurse, you can go now." Turner said.

She looked at him sadly and nodded, then she took the cups and walked slowly.

*************

 

The days continued full of blood and rattles of machine guns. Turner could admit that he was completely wrong when he saw the nuns for the first time. Now he knew that he could not live without them and their organized attention that made everything go well despite the fact that the number of soldiers that arrived was increasing and that they had three less nurses who had sent to London because they had a strange disease.

With so much work, it was impossible to do something basic like sleep, and when he had the time, his mind would not let him rest. However his body used to rebel by making him sleep anywhere.

“Doctor”

Frightened, he opened his eyes, trying to focus until he saw the blue eyes of Nurse Mannion.

"Sorry, I fell asleep,” He said, rising from the uncomfortable chair he was in.

“I do not blame you. Tea?” she held out a steaming cup.

“Thanks, you are a charm”

The girl blushed and looked away.

“What is your name?”

“Mannion” she answered in confusion.

"I said your name, not your last name."

“Shelagh”

"I never heard that name, it seems-"

“Scottish.  I'm from Aberdeen."

"No wonder you're stubborn, I've seen you arguing more than once with Sister Evangelina”

She suppressed a smile.

"I should be offended, but you´re right. And Sister Evangelina is also right, I must learn to obey”

"To be a better nurse?"

"No, to enter the convent."

He was stunned. How could such a young and pretty girl enter a convent? What reasons would she had for doing this? Surely some amorous disappointment, but what man could do that? Suddenly he felt very stupid to think that.

"Sounds weird, I know,” she said at his silence.

"No, if that's what you like, go ahead”

She smiled just barely again.

"I have to go, there is a lot of work to do."


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

She slept soundly on a cot and dreamed with the return to home. Evidently her courage and stubbornness played a dirty trick on her because in her desire to help people she got into the hell and could not see the time to get out of there.

“Shelagh”

She heard Sister Julienne's soft voice and felt a slight shake on her shoulder.

“What…?” with her fingers she looked for her glasses on the floor.

"They need you, soldiers from the front arrived, the fire continues and there are many, and...Shelagh did you eat last night?”

"No, I was too tired for that. Why?” she said, getting to her feet.

“It’s better that you haven't done it”

**************

 

She understood what Sister Julienne meant to say when she saw the soldiers. However, although she did not eat all day, it was impossible to stop her stomach and now she was outside vomiting as she had never done in her life and with tears in her eyes.

“Please, God…” she said in a whisper, coughing and wiping her mouth with a handkerchief.

“Are you ok?” she heard a voice behind her.

“No! I'm not ok!” she shouted angrily and saw Dr. Turner beside her.

“I know how you feel. If you want, you can leave it. I'll make you a certificate that says you're sick and you can go home”

"No, it would not be honest. I must bear it, but this is so horrible. I shouldn't have come but I wanted to do it. I imagined it would be awful because everyone in London said it but I didn't think it would be...this. So many men killed and in that way, some burned with those things...”

“They are chemical substances”

“Whatever. It's a horror and-” the memory of what she saw made her nausea come back and again she bent down. She felt him hold the hair she tied in the rush when she got up.

"You'll think I'm the most useless nurse in the world for vomiting when I see blood."

"I vomited many times and I don't assure you not to continue doing it. Everything gives too much impression and the school didn't prepare us for this. I have to return. Will you be all right, Shelagh?”

“Yes,” she coughed two more times and then wiped her eyes with the palm of her hand, “I´ll go with you, doctor”.

***********

It had been hours since her attack and she continued to work tirelessly. No more soldiers had arrived, so Sister Julienne had sent her to care for those who had no serious injuries. She did not like being looked at as a person to be protected, but Sister Julienne always seemed aware of her well-being and was perhaps the only person to pay attention to her. Besides Dr.Turner. She could not stop admiring him. It was rare for a man to say that he wanted to leave the war, much less a doctor who admitted to vomiting when he saw wounded or dead. He seemed to never sleep, and he did not stop working even for those who had no hope of salvation, and that was something she had never seen in other doctors. Also, there was something about him that intrigued her: when they prayed with the other doctors, nurses and soldiers, he would always go outside to smoke and return when the prayer was over. She wondered if he would be Jewish.

“Nurse,” said one of the soldiers. She smiled at him, he was the only one who seemed animated. He had several wounds but he would recover soon and he would be sent home.

“Smith, how are you?”

“I'm fine, but…Will you have some whiskey?"

She giggled and the soldier too.

"I'm sorry, Smith, there's only ethyl alcohol here and it's for your comrades wounded, not for drinking. You'll have whiskey soon enough when you return to Wales, don't you? "

The soldier laughed and nodded.

"You recognized my accent, eh?"

“Of course” she smiled again and began to heal the wounds on another soldier's leg. She frowned, the soldier did not have shrapnel wounds but he did have trench feet in an advanced state.

Suddenly she heard someone drown and saw Smith convulsing.

“Smith!” she ran to him and loosened his clothes, "Doctor, please!"

Turner came in an instant but after a couple of seconds, Smith was dead in his arms.

“What happened to him?” Shelagh asked, trying to stop her tears.

“Sincerely I don't know”

"He was going back to Wales soon," she whispered, closing the soldier's eyes.

"At least he laughed a little with you before he died," Turner said, looking at her. She shook her head.

“That was good for nothing” she closed her eyes and began to pray a prayer for Smith's soul. Shelagh heard the doctor stood up and walked away, “Doctor?”

"You're praying, I don't want to interrupt you"

"You can join me"

"I'm sorry, I don't pray”

She closed her eyes again and finished her prayers. Then she kissed Smith's forehead and covered his face with a sheet.

“Doctor?” she said, following him in a corridor of beds.

“Now what, Mannion?”

"Sorry, I didn't want to bother you"

“What's happen?”

"It was nothing," she said, frightened. He stopped walking and looked at her.

"Now tell me, I haven't time"

“It…It was just ...Why don't you pray? I mean, we could just pray for Smith…Are you Jewish?"

“I'm nothing,” he said after a silence, "I don't think there is one or several Gods, so I don't pray. It's my opinion, of course, that doesn't mean I'm right. Some believe, like you, and others don't, like me.”

“But God…”

“Oh come on, don’t give me lessons!” she stepped back, frightened. “If there was God he would not let this place exist and you not would be crying and vomiting around!”

He threw his list of patients on a table and walked outside and Shelagh stood there, not knowing what to do, feeling for the first time that she doubted her faith.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

She found him in the makeshift office he had. She did not want to go, but Sister Evangelina sent her towards him, since they needed him to operate and he did not appear.

When she saw him, she felt a stitch in her chest. She had seen too many men with body and soul shattered, many faces of sadness, disappointment and absolute pain. But never this. His gaze was completely lost, his body hunched over and his hands trembling as he held a letter. His face was gray and looked twenty years older.

"Doctor, are you all right?"

"Leave me, Mannion”

"Sister Evangelina is looking for you. You must go," she said severely. She saw that he pressed his lips together and shook his head.

“Verdun is a chaos,” he said in a whisper, “Yesterday, thirty thousand men died. Thirty thousand in a single day. We are in the Somme so Verdun will finish and look what is happening...They´ll annihilate us, this is the end”

"No..." she said, trying to overcome the tremor in her voice by the latest news, "They will not make it. One day this will end.”

"It will end when there is nothing left in this world. Imagine, thirty thousand every day. There are not many people left, they will soon be over. This is the end of the world”

"But it will not be today. Today you have to attend to those who are still alive, you can´t leave them because you think that one day they will die. Last night you told me that Smith at least laughed a little before he died. You could do the same with those that remain, offer some relief before they die tonight, or tomorrow, or next week”

She saw him nod and then he put his hand on her arm.

“Thank you, Shelagh. May the God in whom I don´t believe keep your soul as pure as you have it now”

She shivered and looked down.

"You're welcome, doctor,” she said in a sigh.

“Patrick. My name is Patrick.”

 

**************

Shelagh followed him into the operating theatre. It had a glazed roof that seemed too luxurious to be there, but it served to take advantage of the sunlight. It was already getting dark, so two doctors were covering it with opaque cloths so that the interior light was not seen by the German planes.

She saw Patrick wear rubber gloves, something she had not seen in any surgery yet. The patient was a man with gangrene in his left leg because of the trench feet. He was already asleep and Sister Julienne was praying at his side.

"Well, we'll have to cut” Patrick said, and Shelagh swallowed. Without him saying anything, she began to pass the instruments to him.

Sister Julienne looked at Patrick as he examined the soldier.

"Are not you going to do the guillotine method?" she asked suspiciously.

"No, that's not being used anymore. Maybe Nurse Mannion can tell me what to do?”

Shelagh swallowed again and put on her best brave face.

“Debridement”

“Exact. It will take more time, but it will not make the future life of this poor man so miserable”

Sister Julienne nodded and smiled at Shelagh, in a gesture of small congratulations. Shelagh corresponded and told herself that she must to endure this, for Patrick. Other doctors would go fast, but Patrick not only operated his patient, he took care of him. He no longer cared that the next day maybe they were all dead, he still wanted to do something for that soldier. And she did not want to leave him alone in that.

***********

A week passed and the news coming from Verdun and other battle fronts was not encouraging. Somme was still a butchery, and Shelagh found that the man was really an animal of habit because she no longer felt the same horror of the first few times. It was as if her body had become accustomed to see the blood running down the floor like a river, fingers blown off, cuts, shrapnel stuck in throats, eyes burned and cries of pain.

“Mannion, what are you doing there?”

She was startled at the voice of Sister Evangelina.

"I was taking some air"

"You deserve it," incredibly the nun smiled at her, “you´ve been working very hard. I honestly thought you wouldn´t bear a week, and you've been a long time here and I know how hard it is for you. You´ll be a sister with strong convictions and that is what we need in these times. Don´t stay too long outside, it will hurt your lungs”

“Thank you, Sister. Really” they smiled and Sister Evangelina entered the hospital again.

She sat on a half-burnt log and stretched her legs. Sometimes they cramped because she spent a lot of time standing or walking. She took off her nurse's hat and scratched her head, thinking it would not be weird for her to have lice. She remembered how her mother fought her lice when she was little, and how she cared about to make her blond hair shiny and silky. In a short time she would cut it and cover it forever. Tears stung to leave, but she did not leave them, she felt guilty for crying for her mother when there were much stronger pains in the world.

She reached into her pockets until she found a cigarette. It had been a long time since she had smoked but this cigarette had been given to her by one of the soldiers and she accepted it, first because it was a gift of thanks and second because since she had arrived in Somme she wanted to smoke. Every time she saw Dr. Turner smoking she wanted to ask for one but she was too ashamed. Thinking in Turner made her skin bristled, but she blamed the cool breeze from the smoke of the distant detonations. She did not know exactly what was happening to her with him. She knew the hundreds of love stories born with the war, the classics with the nurses and soldiers, but she did not know any story of the nurse with the doctor at least twenty years older than her.

“Stop thinking that, you're going to be a nun,” she said to herself, squeezing the cigarette. She was going to throw it to the ground, as a nun she would not be able to smoke or receive gifts and it would be better to get used to it early.

“Do you want a light?”

She startled at the sound of his voice and unintentionally smiled.

"No, I'm going to throw it. I shouldn´t smoke”

“Why? A small prize for your work,” he sat down in the ground next to her.

"I like to smoke, but I don´t have to if I want to enter the convent. It´s better to start now"

He took her cigarette, barely touching her fingers and she felt a small shudder. He lit the cigarette and put it back between her fingers.

“The last of your life. Enjoy it.”

Shelagh giggled and shook her head, but brought it to her lips. When she exhaled, she could not help but close her eyes with pleasure.

“It's very good,” she said when she opened her eyes and looked at him, “Do you want it?”

“No, don´t share it,” he smiled.

“Ok,” she gave him a mischievous look and brought it to her lips again, “you don't know what you're missing, it´s delicious. I think it´s a Henleys”

“You are too naughty to be a future nun”

She laughed loudly.

“I used to sneak one out of my father´s desk sometimes when I was about 14,” she said looking at the cigarette, “Does that look naughty to you?”

“Yes it does, a lot. I imagine that would be the lightest thing you did”

“No,” she shook her head slowly as she smiled, staring at the gray horizon announcing a storm, "In general, I've always been very quiet”

“Is that the reason you will be a nun?”

“No. Actually, I don´t know it very well. I always wanted to be a nun, it's my dream since I was a child”

He nodded in silence and lit a cigarette. Strangely everything was quiet, only the rumor of the thunder was approaching.

"I'm sorry about what I told you the other day. I shouldn´t have told you that about God. I know that you are very devout and I shouldn´t have said such a thing. I also screamed and scared you.”

"That happened a long time ago,” she looked at him and then fixed her eyes on the ground.

"Yes, but I didn´t apologize. And then…you came and helped me when you could have gotten angry and ignoring me.”

"I know you have reasons to think that, sometimes I ask myself the same questions as you.”

“But in spite of that you still have faith, don´t you?”

“Yes. But it’s at times like this I wish it made a difference” she looked at the horizon again, lost in thought.

He stared at her in astonishment, never thought she would say such a thing, imagined that she would speak of her blind faith that moved her to consecrate her life but she confessed that she had doubts and questions, the same as him. Patrick came back to reality when she screamed and cursed, something that astonished him even more.

“What happened to you?” he said when she took her own hand. The cigarette had flown to the ground, and he stepped on it.

"I kept staring at the storm, and I burned my hand with my own cigarette! I'm so stupid, how can this happen to me? How clumsy I am!”

“Let me see” he took her hand, where a small red circle burned in her palm. He heard her continue to say she was a fool, and before he knew it, he kissed her burn. Shelagh stopped talking and he looked up, not letting go of her hand. He was on his knees in front of her, as if asking for forgiveness or clemency. She withdrew her hand gently, did not want to lose the warmth of his big, callused hands around hers, but she had to. He could not understand the look in her blue eyes.

“I’m sorry. That was unforgivable.”

Shelagh just shook her head, not sure what to say. Then she took his face in her hands. Until that moment she did not know how much she had wanted to touch him with her hands, touch every wrinkle and comb his hair with her fingers. Then she perched her lips on his.

At first she felt her heart skip, and then she felt ashamed, she was proclaiming that she would enter the convent and here was kissing a man. She also felt ashamed because she had never kissed anyone and did not know what to do. He barely parted and looked at her.

“I´m sorry.” she said looking down, wanting that a stray bullet kill her right there.

However, Patrick smiled, tangled his fingers in some strands of her hair, and kissed her hard and she let out a small moan.

"I think you will not want to become a nun anymore."


	4. Chapter 4

Midnight was their meeting time, when the patients dozed and the nuns tried to rest after the Compline. She was not yet bound by the Great Silence, so she slipped out to see him.  
Her life was well organized and her future planned, but suddenly things were not like that, she did not know if she wanted to be a nun. She was confused, how something she wished for years, could be swept away by a man? She had doubts and at the same time she was happy, and she felt in a strange state where there was not only war outside, but also inside her. She did not know what to do, the loves of the wars used to have the same duration as wars and she did not know how the world would be when someone decided to stop the slaughter.  
“Are you ok?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her waist.  
“Yes”  
“You´re a bad liar” he laughed, but she did not join in his laughter. He took her chin to look into her eyes, "What is it, Shelagh?"  
“I don´t know what to do. I...I wanted to be a nun, I wanted it very much, with all my soul and now...I don´t know. Now you are here.”  
“Do you love me?”  
“Yes”  
"Then it's easy. When this is over, we get married. Or better, we can get married before it's over, what do you think? I'm looking for the vicar whom I fired so we can get married here. And when it's all over, we're getting married again, so you have your white dress and an ornate church, and a big party...”  
“I don´t know if I want to get married.”  
His face fell and he tried to look at her but he could not see her very well because it was only illuminated by the full moon, but evidently she was very distressed.  
"I don´t know what to do, I'm very confused” she continued, and sucked in her nose, failing in her attempt to hide her tears.  
“Shelagh, do you want to know something? I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I´m old, and I don´t believe in what you believe, and I´m a widower and I don´t know if I can give you the life you deserve and maybe sometimes I´ll be too full of memories...but I want to be with you. I promise I´ll not try to change you, you can be a nun without a habit that I´ll never complain about that”  
"Patrick, that's very beautiful. I'm not how wonderful you think I am, and I know nothing of life, I have not even lived in the city long enough to take a bus without getting lost. I´ll look very childish next to you but I would also like it to matter only that we are together”  
"Then you don´t have to be confused, I think you have everything very clear, don´t you?"  
“Yes,” she answered with a laugh, “I don´t know why I doubt it so much,” she caressed his cheek. She was going to kiss him when one of the nurses came running and braked hard.  
"Umm...sorry” the nurse said in surprise.  
"It's all right, Clarise” Shelagh answered easily, ignoring the girl's face, "Is something wrong?"  
“More men have arrived. I think they are very bad”  
They ran and inside of the hospital they found a disaster. Most of the soldiers required surgery, and there were about twenty men.  
Patrick was petrified, they could never save them all.  
“You go with the doctors and take care of the most complicated. I take care of the others with the girls” said Shelagh.  
“Are you sure?”  
"Of course, Patrick, I've seen you do it.”  
They separated, direct to attend the soldiers.  
"Mannion we can´t do it, there are some who have amputated fingers” said Sister Evangelina.  
"If we don´t heal them, they will bleed to death. I´ve seen how to close amputations, I know I can do it and I can also teach to the nurses”  
At around noon, they had finally finished. All the men were safe, only two were very serious but they had chances of recovery.  
Shelagh joined a round of tea with the nurses, feeling strange for being the center of attention and joy when Clarise said she had seen her with the doctor. Normally she would have been disgusted by the gossip, but she felt settled for the decision she had made so she did not care.  
She looked for Patrick with the look but did not find him. When the conversation turned from her, she poured a cup of tea and went outside. She found him leaning against a tree, smoking.  
“Tea?”  
He was startled and then he smiled.  
“Thank you” he said taking the cup and giving his cigarette to her, “I can´t believe we could handle this. We’re like an officer and a sergeant. And that’s not to say I see myself as the officer.”  
She laughed and shook her head. Then he took her hand and said nothing more.  
***********  
At night, a group of about thirty men arrived badly wounded. They commented that the Germans were getting closer and they were going to eliminate everything that they found in their way.  
“Hello Nurse,” said one of the soldiers with a depraved smile. The nurse greeted him with indifference. "We killed some Germans we found and robbed them of what they had. One of them was loaded with jewels, look at these,” the soldier pulled some necklaces from a pocket, “Do you want to buy?”  
"I have no money," said the nurse, looking at the soldier's dirty hands, full of jewels.  
"Who said I want money, darling?" he laughed and several of his companions joined him.  
“Listen, the nurses are here to heal you, not for you to take advantage of them,” said Patrick, "If you're going to start with that, we'll throw you in the first ditch we find so the dogs eat to you.”  
The soldiers remained silent and let the nurses heal them without saying a word. Patrick approached the soldier of the jewels.  
"So, do you sell jewels?"  
“Yes,” with a bandaged hand, the soldier checked his pockets, they were full of chains, bracelets, rings, "surely the German stole them from some house. I don´t think he left his country loaded with this.”  
"I need a ring."  
"Whatever you want, Doc.”  
Patrick saw that the soldier had lost two fingers in his other hand. Slowly he searched his pockets until he pulled out five or six rings.  
"They're all nice, aren´t they? Take what you want, I'll give it to you. Now I don´t need money, there is nothing to buy. But just take one, ok? I´ve got to make a living when this damn war ends.”  
Patrick chose the most delicate of the rings. It was a gold band with a diamond in the center, brighter than anything in the hospital. Things were not supposed to be that way, but he wanted to show Shelagh how much he loved her so she would no longer suffer because of her doubts. And because he already knew that he could not live without her.  
“Good luck with the girl, Doc” the soldier winked at him, and Patrick could not help but smile.  
*************  
“Shelagh, I need to talk to you."  
She was frightened at Sister Julienne's words but followed her until they moved away from the bustle of the other nurses preparing dinner.  
“Did I do something wrong?” she asked with nerves in her voice.  
"Oh, not at all, my dear. Just I've been watching you...”  
Shelagh felt herself tensed even more and put her hands in her pockets so that her trembling was not obvious.  
"Are you with Doctor Turner?"  
"I..." for a moment she wanted to lie, but she owed almost everything to Sister Julienne, who had taught her and cared for her with almost maternal attention. So she swallowed and looked into her eyes. “I'm so sorry, Sister. I´m really sorry, you have given me much and now I think I will not be able to keep up with what I promised. I didn´t expect this to happen.”  
"Don´t be sorry, Shelagh. I spoke with Sister Evangelina and I had to give her the reason, she always told me that you are too young to admit you in the Order, and that you have to live a little to know what you really wanted. But I never heard her, you were so excited...”  
"Sorry for disappointing you." She looked down and bit her lip to keep her tears from falling.  
"Shelagh, don´t feel bad. You can continue to believe and pray and be the good person you are without wearing a habit”  
"I'm still confused, but I love him. I always wanted to be a nun but everything changed so fast...Maybe I shouldn´t have come here.”  
"But God brought you here, and He always knows what He does” she gave her a hug and a kiss on her forehead. "God bless you, my child. Besides, if you ask me...I think you guys make a really nice couple.”  
Shelagh laughed and hugged her closer.  
************  
The midnight of same day, it was the quietest of all. A few detonations were heard and several soldiers were discharged and the next day they would begin their return home. In addition, the weather was good because the sky was clear after a few days of rain.  
"I haven´t seen so many stars in a long time.” he said, kissing her hair.  
"That's because they don´t exist in London. The first night I spent there was so sad. I always looked at the stars when I was a child because it was like seeing my mother, and that first night in London I was scared and I felt worse when I noticed that there were no stars to see.”  
“Do you miss your mother?”  
"Everyone misses their mother” she hugged him closer and sighed. She did not want to feel sad, for a few moments she wanted to live the happiness that had kept inside her. If she closed her eyes and forgot that she was in Somme, she could imagine that they were in a peaceful field and the next day everything would be as quiet as that night.  
"This place surely was very beautiful before the war start, don´t you think?" she asked.  
“All the places in France are beautiful. Someday we could go back.”  
"I would like it very much."  
“Shelagh.”  
“Mmm?”  
“I have something for you.”  
She pulled away from him just to look at him strangely while Patrick searched into a pocket of his uniform. He handed her a little paper envelope tied with a ribbon she recognized as the ribbons they used to bandage the patients. Still frowning, she undid the ribbon and opened the envelope slowly, discovering a ring and a phrase: “Please will you marry me, officer?”  
“I don´t know if a stolen ring will be good luck, you deserve more but...”  
“Patrick!” she interrupted, “It´s beautiful!”  
"Don´t you care that...?"  
"No, I don´t care. It's beautiful!” she gave him her hand so he could put on the ring.  
“That is a yes?”  
"Of course it's a yes, doctor!” she laughed. When Patrick took her hand in his and kissed her with reverence she barely could hide the tears.  
Suddenly they heard footsteps, many footsteps, and shouts in a language they did not know.


	5. Chapter 5

They did not understand what was happening, they only knew a few moments ago they were engaged, and now they were locked in his office, with the hospital surrounded by Germans who shouted incomprehensible words.  
Inside the hospital everything was chaos, soldiers in better health were lying on the floor or trying to cover with their bodies to the companions who could not move.  
"What's going on, Patrick?" she hugged him, trying to breathe.  
"I don´t know, but breathe, Shelagh," he said, drawing circles on her back, “I'll go and see what they want.”  
“No! Don´t go!”  
“I'm the boss and the authority here. Surely they want us to heal them” he said separating from her embrace.  
“No, please Patrick, it´s crazy” she took his hand tightly.  
They heard a voice shouting in precarious English. Indeed, they had wounded soldiers and demanded attention.  
“Don't even think about it!” Sister Evangelina shouted "Let them die"  
"Sister, we can´t leave them!” he said looking at her in surprise. Evangelina only rolled her eyes and went to one of the rooms with soldiers.  
“You do it, I will not touch one of them."  
"But sister...!”  
"They hurt us like that!" shouted one of the soldiers, and soon all of them joined in the protests.  
From the outside the Germans kept shouting. Inside, they heard the same voice that tried to speak English. They were making threats: if the British did not help the wounded, they would open fire on the hospital.  
“We must do it,” Patrick tried to separated from Shelagh but she grabbed him with fierceness, "Shelagh they're going to kill us."  
"What makes you think they will not kill us after you heal them? For days they have come saying that they want to exterminate us and they already arrived here. They will, in one form or another but they will.”  
"But I'm a doctor..."  
"Don´t try to be a hero, Patrick.”  
"Don´t help them!" they heard the shout of another soldier and again the chorus of protests. Patrick could not believe that they all preferred to die riddled before attending a group of enemies.  
The Germans kicked the doors and prepared the weapons. Patrick swallowed. It was the end.  
“Get down, Shelagh” he whispered.  
She obeyed and he pulled her as close as possible to his body, trying to cover her and feeling her trembling with fear. She looked more like a girl than ever, and his throat knotted. She did not deserve that end, and he would try to do his best to save her.  
"It was a pleasure to meet you, Doctor."  
He barely smiled, and stroked her cheek, trying to ignore the fear that ran through her veins and her panicked look, which until last moment tried to appear optimistic.  
“The pleasure is mine, nurse. Curl up more to me, that's it,” he wrapped an arm around her waist, "cover your head with your hands."  
“I don´t want anything bad to happen to you, Patrick” he heard her anguished voice.  
"I love you, Shelagh." he kissed her and she squeezed him, digging her nails into his shoulder when they heard the shooting began. At no time they let go, continued to kiss, trying to cling to life and forget that from moment to another they would never be together again. Patrick went mad when he heard a groan of pain from Shelagh. He opened his eyes and saw her tears. He tried to separate his mouth but she refused and grabbed his head, forcing him to continue kissing her. He hugged her harder and she complained again. Suddenly everything was silent.  
**********  
He pulled away slowly, he could hear her small moans of pain, along with the other groans of the whole hospital. He was grateful that at least she was alive and apparently he was too. He sharpened his hearing, heard nothing from outside. He looked at her with the little light coming in from the outside, her face streaked with tears and an expression of unbearable pain.  
“Shelagh.”  
She answered slowly, opening her eyes.  
"That was cute.” she tried to smile at him but a moan betrayed her. "God…it hurts. I think it's in the liver.”  
He ran his hand around her waist and shivered when he felt the dampness of blood. There was too much.  
“Don´t worry, try to breathe. I think they left.”  
"They may be hidden. Don´t go please,” she reached for his hand and shook it weakly.  
"Just a second, I'll go and see."  
He crawled a few meters and put his head out of a shattered window. The night was as peaceful as when he had given her the ring.  
"Well, if anyone's alive, shout." Patrick heard Sister Evangelina's voice and smiled relieved. He was more relieved when he heard many shouts. Patrick looked around the room and saw Sister Julienne lighting a candle: there were broken glass everywhere, but everyone around her was alive.  
"There's no one outside!" a soldier shouted, "they're gone!"  
A nurse lit another candle and seconds later there were many more. Sister Julienne stood and ran to the small office.  
“How are you?” she asked.  
“Shelagh is wounded.”  
Sister Julienne ran to her.  
"Doctor, take care of the others, I'll take care of her."  
"No, I will. I must to save her.”  
"Shelagh, listen to me, do you hear me?" said Sister Julienne.  
"It hurts a lot..." Sister Julienne shone with the candle and Patrick looked. There was a bullet in her right side. As soon as he brushed the wound with his hand, Shelagh cried out.  
"My love, I'll help you immediately. We will look for a table and some anesthesia, Sister Julienne will be with you, don´t worry it is not serious” he lied.  
"Doctor, there are ten dead,” said Sister Evangelina, "those who are injured are not very serious and thank God we didn´t lose any doctor or nurse. I'll tell them to take care of the wounded.”  
“Thank you, Sister” Patrick lifted Shelagh with the utmost care and with the light of the candle of Sister Julienne, he could see that her hands were damaged with pieces of glass and her hair was full of dust. He discovered that he was exactly as dirty and hurt and the dampness he felt in his head was a wound produced by who knows what thing.  
"I'll patch that wound, you take care of the girl, please" said Sister Evangelina.  
When he went into the general room, the nurses and soldiers who were well lit more candles and lanterns and counted the damage. Others distributed the few weapons they had to mount a guard outside. Two doctors were already starting the task of removing bullets and shrapnel from legs and arms and nurses washed and disinfected those who were dirtiest.  
“The theater is ready. Well, what's left of it” said a nurse with a tray of freshly sterilized instruments.  
Patrick ran and put Shelagh on the table. She was already unconscious and was still losing blood.  
"I think she's going to need a transfusion, from any of us"  
Patrick nodded in silence at the nurse's comment. He was not sure that a transfusion would make a difference. He was a war doctor but he had never operated under these conditions, with just a few candles, in a shattered operating theater, with elements not as clean as he wanted, not even himself clean as he wished. It was the worst operation he would ever do in his life and to the person he loved most. He felt Sister Julienne clean his hands as fast as she could while Sister Evangelina threw something burning in his head. He swallowed.  
“I´m fine,” he announced, “I can start.”  
He stroked Shelagh's pale cheek, gave a kiss in her wet forehead, and for the first time in a long time, he asked God for help.


	6. Chapter 6

Sunlight hurt her eyes. She closed them again, trying to discern what the rattle she felt around her. Then she tried to open them again.  
“Shelagh.”  
She sighed with relief at the sound of Sister Julienne's voice.  
“Shelagh, we are traveling.”  
She opened her eyes and saw to the Sister. Then she looked around. She was in a car, lying down, with her head in the nun's lap.  
“What's going on…?” her own voice hurt her dry throat.  
"We're going back to London.”  
"Is the war over?"  
“That is what we want, but no. For you, yes. We´ll return and you´ll stay in the convent with me, so I can take care of you until you are well. Then we'll see what happens.”  
“Patrick?” she asked with anguish, noting that he was not near her.  
“He must stay in the hospital.”  
“No!”  
"He's not been discharged, so he'll be there. But he´s fine, don´t worry."  
"No, I have to be with him!" her voice sounded broken and she tried to sit up, but Julienne laid her down gently. Then she put a damp cloth on her lips.  
"Shelagh don´t move, you're still very delicate. You'll see him again soon, I promise.”  
"What happened to me? How many died last night?" she asked after a few moments when she tried to believe the nun's words.  
"You were wounded in the liver. It was difficult to remove the bullet, it affected more than we thought and you lost a lot of blood. And it was not last night, my dear,” Julienne smiled at the Shelagh´s confusion, “you've been sleeping for three days. Today Dr. Turner decided that although you still were unconscious, you had to take the ship that arrived yesterday. You're going to be fine, I even see colors on your cheeks” she smiled at her again, but Shelagh only frowned in anguish.  
"He wanted me out, he doesn´t want me there anymore.”  
"Darling, what are you saying? It was all for your sake."  
She shook her head and closed her eyes and cried all the way as she heard the car splashing through the swampy roads.  
*************  
The whole trip to London was a nightmare. She could not eat anything, she was dizzy and the weather did not help because the wind and the rain did not stop.  
When they reached the harbor, the sun was finally illuminating the morning. She smiled just as she knew she would return home, but the clouds immediately covered her mind and heart. She was back, but all her dreams were far away. As a nurse she had seen people in worse states than hers who recovered perfectly inside the hospital and then were sent back to the battlefront or to their homes. But Patrick had sent her to London, not waiting for her to wake up. He thought her weak, he had always considered her a girl who should not be there.  
She was hardly walking so Sister Julienne took her slowly by the arm when they got out of the taxi. They climbed the stairs of Nonnatus House and Sister Julienne took Shelagh to the nearest room she found because the girl was pale and she could not stop trembling and she felt that at any moment she was fainting in her arms.  
"The trip affected you, Shelagh.”  
“Is not that.”  
“I know” she nodded sympathetically, “Lie down, you need rest, you lost a lot of blood.”  
She allowed herself to be clothed and waited in silence for Julienne, who had promised her a tea. At that moment she was aware of the cold metal of the ring in her hand and cried again.  
When Sister Julienne saw her again, she set the cup aside and tried to calm her down.  
"Shelagh, you have to be calm. You're safe now."  
"Why did he send me back? I´ve seen hundreds of soldiers recovered very well in the hospital. I wanted the same thing, I wanted to recover and return to work, not to be sent here as if I were disabled.”  
“Shelagh, why do you think that? If Dr. Turner sent you here is because you were bad enough, it was just to protect you. Besides, you didn´t see how the hospital was, it was impossible for you to recover there. I think you're thinking he doesn´t love you, and let me tell you, young lady, that you're very wrong. I never saw a man operating under such conditions, and never with all the care that he put in you. And besides, you even have his blood inside you, and the blood of several of us. If it were not for him, you would have died.”  
“I…I didn´t know that”  
“Now you know. So don´t worry, it was all for your sake. Things will be better, and you will be with him, and you will work all you want. For the moment, you must rest and I must take care that you do not have any infection.”  
*************  
The days went by too slow. The tranquility and silence of Nonnatus did not calm her because she still listened the explosions in her ears, which made her imagine that they exploded near the convent and would soon die. Sister Julienne was trying to keep her from reading the papers, even trying to keep her in her room, as if it were a little gold cage, but there was always something to hear between the whispers of the other nuns and it was never encouraging news. They always talked about more disasters in the Somme.  
Praying did not help either, and that confused her even more. Praying had been her consolation even in the hardest moments, but every time she closed her eyes she saw death, or the hospital bursting to pieces or Patrick dead anywhere in France. She regretted having thought he did not love her, she knew he had only done it to get her away as soon as possible so she would not suffer any more. The problem was that she suffered more from not seeing him or knowing what was happening, and her nightmares were more cruel every night.  
One morning Sister Julienne received a telegram with a sob. Generally, telegrams did not bring good news, and not with several nurses and nuns still on the Somme, among them Sister Evangelina. As soon as she opened it, she knew Shelagh should read it. Dr. Turner would have given the address of Nonnatus House as a family contact and so this envelope had just arrived in her hands.

“To this date, Dr Patrick Turner is disappeared in action.”

Just a simple line, enough to fill any person with desperation. She sighed, at least mentioning "disappearance" and not "death." There was hope and she should try to pass it on to Shelagh.  
She slowly opened her door and found her praying on her knees.  
"Sorry, I didn´t want to bother you” she said when the girl was surprised to see her.  
“I finished” she stood up and climbed into bed. Julienne adjusted her pillows.  
“This just came, Shelagh.”  
She watched as the young woman took a shaky breath at the envelope, and after a moment's hesitation, took it. Swallowing, she took out the small card and read it.  
"I need to believe he's alive" she said at last.  
"Shelagh, you saw the same things I did, I can´t guarantee anything, but we must have faith. We will wait for some letter from Sister Evangelina, she can tell us how this has happened.”  
"What if something happened to her, too?"  
"Let's hope not.”  
**************  
Four days later, there was news of Sister Evangelina. A short but useful letter arrived and said that she would be back in two weeks. The letter said that the day after Shelagh's transfer, all the survivors left the hospital for a more distant hospital, while the soldiers began the reconstruction. Although it was not very far, it was a great problem to take the wounded and in the way they found more wounded in the trenches. Sister Evangelina commented that it was very bad that they were allowed to get used to the hospital, because they had forgotten the situation outside, which was a real disaster arriving from Apocalypse. She did not know at what point she stopped seeing Dr. Turner, what she did know was that the same night the German fire had swept through those trenches and never saw him again. In the letter she also mentioned that she prayed constantly for him and for Shelagh, but for her none of that was a consolation. Hope was getting smaller and smaller.  
*************  
Sister Evangelina returned two weeks later, thinner and more sullen but with the same desire to work as always. She was who dragged Shelagh out of bed saying she was too overprotected by Julienne. With her arrival, things seemed to lighten, and they tried to start again with their normal life, but all were affected. Despite they tried not to remember what they had seen and heard, the images and noises continued around them.  
Some new girls arrived, driven more by the fear of the war than by true vocation and Shelagh decided that she had to leave, she could not be in a convent when she did not think to be a nun.  
"You're not going to leave here, you're not well” Sister Julienne said when Shelagh communicated her decision.  
"I'm cured, I can work"  
“Where? Doing what?”  
“I don´t know. Something…something other than nursing,” she replied lowering her head, "I don´t think I could stand it. There are days when I think I'm going mad, I see blood on the floor. I don´t know, I'll get a job and I'll leave, it's not right for me to be here."  
“Don´t you see? You aren´t well, you aren´t cured. We will heal mutually here. This is your home.”  
The same dialogue took place over and over, but in the depths of her heart Shelagh knew that Sister Julienne was right. She was not well, she was not ready to work on anything else, and she had no other home. All she could do was help in what she could to others, prepare meals, clean, and wait. She lived with the terror of another telegram arriving and at the same time, she lived waiting for something, some small clue that Patrick was alive. When her faith began to falter, she looked at her ring, the faithful reminder of the night she had been very happy despite the rain of bullets. She was going to see him again, she was sure. It said it her blood, which was his blood too.


	7. Chapter 7

Better news was coming. France was recovering lost positions and the Germans retreated. The mood was changing, but it was impossible to evade the reality that Poplar was a place full of children and widow women. From time to time some husbands arrived, only to recover a few pounds, leave more children, and return to the battle front.

Shelagh decided she did not want to leave nursing. It was what she knew best, she felt useful and saw that her work helped people in a direct way. But sometimes, the fear paralyzed her with memories. Several times her hands suddenly shaking as she took a needle or bandaged a patient's wound. So she decided to take a new course. It was not long ago that the midwifery became a profession, thanks to the struggle of the nuns who had been attending births for decades in the humblest neighborhoods of the country.

After a short test, she began her specialization as a midwife at the London hospital, a whole new world, filled with doctors' scornful looks and complicated examinations to make her leave her studies. In spite of everything, she felt that she had found the true path and that the incipient career filled her with joy. She had already attended death, now she wanted to attend life. She felt well surrounded by women who, despite the circumstances, were happy with their pregnancies and their babies. With them, she shared the hope that their men would return, and that a better future would come.

"Seeing your face, I conclude you did quite well on that exam" Sister Evangelina told when Shelagh came back from the hospital. She gave Shelagh a cup of steaming tea, which she welcomed with joy because she was hungry.

"I never answered such complicated questions in my life."

"They do it on purpose, they're bastards."

"But I think I did it well."

"I don´t doubt it, you've done nothing but study. I imagine when you finish the specialization, you will stay here. You will be the first of us to have a diploma as a midwife."

"Of course I'll stay, sister. This is my home. I don´t know where else I could go," suddenly a torrent of tears crowded in her eyes and she had to lower her head so that the nun would not discover them, although she obviously did.

"Oh no, child," the sister took her hand.

"I'm starting something new and I'm excited and I shouldn´t feel that way when I still don´t know anything about him."

"Shelagh, you can´t shut yourself up and cry your whole life. You have to keep going."

"But it's not the right thing to do. I must look for him."

"Where? Don´t you know that look for someone at this moment is a chaos? We should wait until the war is over."

"But it seems it will never end."

"You must have faith, girl."

"That is being useless! All I do is wait and pray and nothing happens, there is not a single word, I'm tired of the faith!" she set the tea cup down on the table and ran to lock herself in her room.

"What was that?" Sister Julienne asked, entering in the kitchen.

"She's furious and she's right. You and I know well that sometimes faith is useless and she is realizing that."

x

The next day, Shelagh decided not to enter in the hospital and skip her classes. She wanted to take advantage of her trip to the city centre and her full day. She saw her few companions enter the hospital but she did not follow them, wondering where to start her search.

She soon learned that not only was her faith useless, but also walk all over London looking for answers. She stepped on every office they mentioned and repeated Patrick's name countless times, she waited in hard chairs while apathetic employees scrambled papers and files to just answer a brief "No". No one knew anything about him, there was not a single word, and more than once they told her that she should have be content with the telegram, because most people did not receive it.

At the end of the day, she had grown tired of the nonsense and the faces she received when she mentioned that Patrick was disappeared. She knew that for most people that word meant the same as dead, but she did not want to give up.

"Don´t answer that! I want an answer, I want you to look for him, I want to know what happened to him!" she shouted, pounding the desk of a frightened employee when he was again evasively answered. However, the answer did not come and when she returned to Nonnatus she felt more defeated than she had ever been in her life. Her heart ached because she was beginning to believe what everyone seemed to say: Patrick was dead.

November, 1916.

When she arrived on her bicycle at Nonnatus, the morning was radiant despite the cold wind coming from the river. She had spent the whole night attending her fourth delivery as an official midwife. She felt calm despite the fatigue, the cold and the hunger. Everything was fine, the mother and the baby were perfect and happy.

She chatted a lot with the mother who had her second child. She was younger than she and her husband was disappeared in France two months ago and the girl was relieved to know that her midwife could fully understand the distress she was feeling.

Shelagh discreetly wrote down the things she could ask for in Nonnatus to donate to the girl, who had few possessions in her small flat. She wanted to help her in another way, but some material things and share her pain, was all that she could offer.

She left her bicycle in the shed and entered Nonnatus, knowing that she arrived at breakfast. Her stomach rumbled at the thought.

"Good morning Shelagh, how was it?" Sister Julienne greeted her.

"A 7 pound baby. Mother and baby are fine."

"I'm glad. Shelagh ... this came for you."

Her smile fell when she saw an envelope that the sister pointed on the table. She looked at the nun and could not decipher her gaze.

"I don´t want" she said, hearing her own voice tremble from the trembling of her body, "I don´t want to read it."

"Take it, my dear" the sister gave it to her, and she shook her head, pressing her lips together. Suddenly, she did not want to know the truth.

"I don´t want to know. Please."

"Shelagh, you must. Come on."

She took the envelope and read it. It was a white envelope, small and a bit dirty. She looked at the sender and shouted.

"God!"

Sister Julienne only smiled.

"It is…It is from him" she whispered. She looked at the date in the envelope, did not want to fool herself with a letter from months ago. But it had been sent two weeks ago.

She opened it and found a paper a little stained but with the Patrick´s calligraphy that she knew very well.

"Shelagh:

I was taken prisoner and I am bribing a soldier who I treated an infection to let me write to you. I hope he keeps his word and sends this letter. I'm fine, don´t worry. I don´t know when this will end, but I assure you that I will return. I can´t write much more, but wait for me.

I love you,

Patrick."

"He´s alive!" she threw herself into the arms of Sister Julienne who laughed with her.

"I knew this would happen" replied the woman, stroking Shelagh´s tears.

"But he's a prisoner" Shelagh's face was filled with shadows again, "that's no good, anything could happen at any moment. What if, when they are losing the war, they decide to kill them all the prisoners? What if…?"

"Shelagh calm down. You have an answer, try to focus on that. There are many prisoners, Patrick is not alone, and besides, we know that at least he has an enemy on his side. Trust in his knowledge as a doctor that can help him gain more German soldiers. He will get out of this."

"But I must help him. I don´t know how, but I must."

x

With reluctance, Sister Evangelina erased the name of Shelagh in the board. The girl asked for the day free of rounds and deliveries to do something for Patrick.

Early in the morning, Shelagh went to the first of the offices. She was determined to be heard.

"I want to talk with the chief of this place," she said when she entered in the office, "I need help for my fiancée, he´s a prisoner".

"There are thousands of prisoners" the clerk replied.

"I know. But he managed to communicate with me. You must do something to free him."

She repeated her request and showed her letter all the day. The result, again, was null. Some of them did not even hear her, she was not Patrick´s family, only his fiancée. Shelagh realized how little she knew about Patrick because she did not know any relatives who could help her. However, he chose her to communicate. Others wrote down the letter, looked from where it was sent, but Patrick's name was not in the prisoners' files. An inquiry was made to the International Prisoners of War Agency in Geneva, but any information would take weeks to arrive.

Shelagh felt sinking into desperation. They would let him die there, and she could do nothing.

"I must go, I must go."

"Shelagh, what are you saying?" Sister Julienne took her by the elbows, when during dinner she told what happened in her day, "You can not go back there, you know how it is."

"But they will not help him. They'll let him be killed, or starve, or…And it's not just him, they said there are thousands. Are those thousands worth nothing?"

Sister Julienne hugged her, and she began to cry again.

"I miss him so much...I love him, sister. He saved my life, I can´t leave him."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter!

December, 1916.

A rhythm had been set in Nonnatus. All the nurses and nuns worked in the morning, except for Shelagh. She prayed the Lauds and sometimes without breakfast, she traveled to London. To compensate for her absence, she never took a day off even if she felt sick and trying to relieve the work of her friends in all she could. But the mornings were hers. Day by day, she visited every office or house of army officers she encountered. They always said no, but this time, she did not lose her faith. On the contrary, the more often they told her that no information came from Geneva, the more faith she had. Everyone already knew her, and some of them even took the audacity to talk about her Scottish stubbornness. One day, they told her that something arrived, but it was a big disappointment, because in Geneva there was no information about Patrick as a prisoner of war. But in Geneva they were willing to take the information Shelagh could give, to start looking for him. She was relieved when she saw her name typed at the end of a Red Cross´ sheet of paper, signing as applicant. At last, a step has been taken.

The next days she decided not to go to London because she knew there would be nothing new for her, she knew that any response would take weeks to arrive. She looked anxiously at the calendar, knowing that in 1917 she would have some kind of information. She hoped that 1916 would end soon, she hated and loved that fateful year, just as she did with the war. The war was ruining her life and the lives of millions, but thanks to the war she knew the love. Then she swallowed, millions of dead was a very high price to pay for her love, but she could not help but feel grateful.

Despite her mornings were filled with work again, she could not stop thinking: did her request arrive in Geneva? Would they be searching the archives or was her request buried under a stack of equal requests? Was there news and would be on the way? As she had no answers, closed her eyes and turned to the only one who could help.

"Please Lord, may they find something about him. Please Lord, may the news arrive fast. Please Lord, protect him, please, please."

"Nurse, are you listening to me?"

The same thing always happened. When she was lost in her prayers, Dr Landes appeared to interrupt her. It was only three weeks ago that the nuns opened a clinic where every Tuesday the Poplar's pregnant women could go to their checks and also bring their little children. They did not get a doctor, they were all in the war, except this one recently graduated that she met while she studied midwifery in the hospital. Now she saw him every Tuesday, and it was evident to everyone, that Dr Landes had an interest in Shelagh and always spoke to her or crossed her path.

"Sorry, doctor" she forced a smile to hide her discomfort.

"You're always praying, nurse. It will do you good to walk a little more, how about this afternoon?" he said leaning over the Shelagh´s table and looking straight into her eyes.

"I have work to do, thank you" she responded nervously.

"Doctor?" Sister Julienne intervened, "I think we talked about Shelagh before. And I told you to stop bothering her. She´s an engaged woman."

"But her fiancé…"

"Doctor, enough."

Shelagh smiled gratefully, she did not know how much the sister protected her.

Christmas Eve – 1916

The children's laughter filled the parish hall. It was good in times of war to do things for them, Shelagh thought. They looked happy, away from the hardships of every day, waiting for their dinners and their gifts. Meanwhile, they played in their costumes, about to make their representation of the birth of Jesus.

Shelagh, with other nurses, prepared the rehearsals so that everything was as decent as possible, and sewed the costumes, and fabricated some elements for the play. Shelagh found that during the time of rehearsals and preparations, she felt different and could laugh at children's jokes or play with them. Since the most of her nights she did not sleeping, she used that precious time to sew some costumes until her eyes refused to help her and she fell exhausted on the fabrics. Now, as she helped them to dress, she knew that her thoughts and her nocturnal tears gave unexpected fruits: beautiful costumes and children's smiles that transmitted happiness.

"Thank you, nurse Mannion," a little girl who was representing an angel smiled, while Shelagh braided her hair.

"You're welcome honey, do you want to see your hair?"

"Yes!"

She handed her a small mirror and the girl looked at herself in astonishment.

"I look like a lady," a smile full of missing teeth appeared on her face. Then she turned to her and hugged her waist, "I love you very much!"

And then she ran off with her friends, leaving Shelagh with tears in her eyes again.

The parish hall was lit only by candles and in the small stage appeared the children who played Joseph and Mary singing a song that Shelagh taught them. Luckily none of them forgot their part and sang very well. Then the other children appeared until the performance ended and each of them walked to their proud mothers, because most of them had no father.

"Come and have dinner with us" Sister Julienne invited some of the neighbors she knew they would not have much to eat that night. Some of them accepted, others were prevented by pride.

They came to Nonnatus between the children´s laugh and their snowballs. She did not want to participate in the laughter, suddenly all the sadness that seemed to have risen for a few hours fell on her shoulders. It was Christmas, it was the most beautiful time of the year, it was snowing a lot and people tried to be happy with the little they had. She took off her glove and looked at the icy metal of her ring. She covered the ring again with the glove, put her hand in her pocket, tightening it and trying to hold back the tears. Then she thought of those mothers who accompanied her this evening, women who had lost hope, or who knew they were widows and who had no more help than the nuns, and who had a row of children to raise by themselves. They were getting worse, yes, but that could not get her out of her own sadness.

"Happy Christmas sisters, nurses" said Dr. Landes greeting them all, "Merry Christmas Shelagh, how are you?"

"I´m fine, thank you doctor" she answered looking away.

"I'll see you on Tuesday! Have a..." he could not finish because a boy threw a ball in his face. He started to complain and Shelagh laughed while the boy's mother scolded him for being so disrespectful. The doctor left with his complaints and they entered Nonnatus.

They settled close to the fireplace, chatting or scolding the children who wanted to run everywhere. The silent convent was turned into a carnival of laughter and appetizing smells. Sister Evangelina counted if they had knitted enough dolls to give, while Shelagh counted how many people there were to distribute the dishes. She heard a knock on the door and one of the new nurses ran to her.

"Shelagh, there's a man who asks about you" the nurse whispered in her ear.

No one else heard anything, so pressing her hand to her chest, she walked quietly down the hall, trying to calm down. Her heart skipped, but she did not want to get her hopes up. Maybe it was just a desperate father for a midwife or maybe Dr Landes who wanted to see her and asked the nurse not to mention his name. That possibility turned her stomach.

The nurse had left the door ajar, so that an icy air entered that made her shiver even more. With trembling hands she pressed her cardigan against her body and swallowed. She opened with caution, trying to hear more than the beating of her heart in her ears. When she saw him burst into tears and could not stop even when he lifted her in his arms and filled her face with kisses.

After stepping inside and everyone was astonished to see him and fill him with affectionate greetings, Patrick sat down at the table.

"Tell me you're not leaving" he felt Shelagh's warm hand on his, her eyes still red of tears.

"Never, my love."

She smiled and began to eat. They did not say another word, all the others occupied him with their questions and many women asked about their husbands. He could give some good news, he met many men in those months and he remembered some names. After dinner the nuns gave the mothers some gifts so that the next day they could give to their children, and little by little they went home. At the table there were only Patrick, Shelagh, and Sister Evangelina drinking coffee.

"Doctor, I suppose you're going home now."

"Does he have to leave?" Shelagh asked with a desperate look, squeezing his hand. Then she tried to calm down, "I mean...it's too late and his house is not in Poplar and..."

"Alright, alright, a man in a convent may be almost heretic. But only because it's Christmas. Now, young lady, don´t even think about doing anything. He will sleep on the sofa, and you in your room."

"How is he going to sleep on the sofa?" she said scandalized.

"Shelagh, I'll be more than fine, believe me a sofa will be like being in a luxury hotel" he said with a warm smile.

"No, no, you sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the sofa."

"You do as I say or you will have to sleep with me, which I assure you is much worse" sentenced Sister Evangelina.

"No, no, I'll talk to Sister Julienne, she's the one in charge here, you don´t give me orders."

"Look at you, what a rebellious girl. I see you're better off Shelagh" the nun smiled gently, while Shelagh realized what she had just said and was dying of shame "I'll prepare the couch, you'll go to bed, and tomorrow, Merry Christmas. And no tricks, doctor!"

It was early morning when she got up. If they thought she was not going to do it, they were wrong. She tiptoed along the corridor until she saw the dim light of the fireplace, which was giving its last heat. She walked to the kitchen and made a tea as quietly as she could. When she had it, she walked slowly to the sofa and sat on the carpet, staring at him. He was thin, perhaps with more lines on his skin and a few grey hairs. However, his expression was of absolute peace. She began to caress his hair very softly, almost without touching it, thanking God for her best Christmas gift. He woke up startled.

"Shh, it's me" she smiled. He took her wrist tightly.

"Tell me you're not a dream."

"No, of course not, I'm here. And you are here. It's all over, Patrick."

He smiled and sat down.

"Come here" he said. She sat down next to him and he pulled the blanket over her, drawing her to his chest, "Shelagh you're cold" he said rubbing her arms with his hands.

"I´m fine" she smiled and he knew she was not just talking about the cold, "Have some tea"

"Like the old times, eh?" he smiled, taking the cup and sipping, "mmm good and hot as always."

They passed the cup of tea in silence until they finished it and Shelagh put it on the floor. She snuggled back to his side.

"A week ago the soldier who gave me permission to write you told me that they would send me to Switzerland together with the sick prisoners and that I would pretend to be. I always wondered why they never asked us for our names, until the soldier told me that someone seemed to be looking for me because many notes came from offices in London asking for me, but they did not respond. I knew the reason why they did not ask us the names, so that no one would find us. And I also knew that who was looking for me was you."

"Yes" she sighed, "I looked for you everywhere and they told me that nobody knew anything, your name was not in any paper. Did the Germans do it because they were going to kill you?"

"Who knows, surely yes. Stop talking about it, tell me how are you"

"No, Patrick, I want you to tell me. You know, there's nothing to scare me. You can tell me."

"Not now, sweetheart."

"All right, some other time. Whenever you want. But please tell me, I can help you."

"You help me being by my side" he kissed her forehead, "Did you heal well?"

"Of course, I was operated by the best doctor. And I have the blood of the best doctor."

She heard a small giggle and then pressed her harder against him.

"I asked Sister Julienne not to tell you."

"Then I think she betrayed you," she laughed, "I liked to know anyway. Thank you."

"Thank me by marrying me."

"Tomorrow if you want" she lifted her head to look at him, but then she frowned "Patrick, I don´t want to leave here. You know? I'm working as a midwife, it's beautiful. I studied at the hospital."

"Well, my girl has been busy these months."

"I wanted to do it. I thought if I did not do something I would die of missing you."

"Honey, don´t say that. I was going to come back in one way or another, because I love you and I didn´t want you to think that I left you. I'm sorry if I couldn´t contact you sooner. And thank you for everything you did, you're my angel."

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. Then she settled into his chest and sighed comforted by feeling his arm around her waist.

"So you want to stay in Nonnatus?"

"No. I like it but Sister Evangelina will kill me one of these days" Patrick laughed and then she said, "I want to stay in Poplar. And you know? We open a clinic on Tuesdays. You can work there because we don´t have a doctor. Well...we have one but...he's an idiot."

"An idiot?"

"He's interested in me."

"Then it's true you've been busy!" he laughed.

"Patrick don´t say that!" she separated, offended, "Nothing happened, he's an idiot, an stupid and a silly man, and I don´t want to see him anymore."

He laughed heartily and hugged her tightly.

"My love, I haven´t laughed like this in a long time. Sorry if it is at your expense and your doctor."

"He´s not my doctor! You are my doctor!"

"You don´t know how glad I am to hear that" he took her chin gently and kissed her gently. When they separated they smiled. "I'll stay here with you, I'll stay where you want, Shelagh, because the minute I look at you I'll give you everything you ask for."

She kissed him again and then they hugged as tightly as they could.

"Happy Christmas, Patrick."

"Happy Christmas, my angel."

When Sister Evangelina was the first in got up for Lauds, she found them asleep and cuddled on the sofa.

"I don´t know why I'm not surprised, Shelagh Mannion" she smiled and covered them with another blanket.

November 11th, 1918.

Shelagh shivered in the cold, and Patrick covered her with his coat. A thin rain was falling and almost everything was covered by mist.

"Are you better?"

"Yes," she said looking expectantly at the church clock, like so many people around her.

When the bells struck eleven, many of the people jumped, others danced, others simply hid their faces to cry. Patrick looked at Shelagh, smiled at her, kissed her, and together they caressed her six-month-old belly.

Life won once again.

The End.


End file.
